fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
