um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
