Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
