Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
