i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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