is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
