i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
