is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
did i just pee glitter
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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