I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
