there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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