i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
