My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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