her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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