no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
