Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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