I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
