dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
