you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
