I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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