Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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