Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
