Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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