Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
