I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We left the knife in your bed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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