i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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