I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
