just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
