i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just blew my weed a kiss
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
