It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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