i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
