Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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