I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
