No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
