if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
