She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
