I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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