there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
