We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
