Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
