No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
