Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
