on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
