I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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