The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
