dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
