Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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