All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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