Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
