sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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