you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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