I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
