guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
