That's when you crack a 10am beer
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Houston, we have a blender
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
