You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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