I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
