I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
