i may or may not be watching the land before time
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
