first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
