I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
